(An old journal entry…which ultimately resulted in dropping some “notting” and adding regular “having”, as the foundation for ongoing happiness!)
After being a huge advocate of appreciating what you have instead of seeing all that you don’t have or how far one falls below one’s ideal, I caught myself doing the opposite…the opposite of gratitude, of “having”. I went into “not having”.
I was not having all the progress I wanted. I was not having great energy at night, but I was “having” overwatching of tv (political commentary programs) and idly eating. I was not getting as much writing done as I wanted to. I was not being super-strong, super-powerful…able to leap tall buildings in a single bound… I was not even being what I thought was productive enough. I was not…
I was “notting” myself toward not feeling so happy.
Here I am trying to be an expert in this – and finding that even I am subject to the laws if I violate the process... (shucks)
But now I see that I can accept and just live my life as it is, with beautiful days to be appreciated, looking at great views, reading some wonderful books, discovering some wonderful things – and at the pace that is my pace for now. Yes, I’d prefer something magnificent and being a model of perfect living, but I see that what I am doing and how I am living is a wonderful gift – and I need not compare it to fantasyland.
I’m glad I saw this and wasn’t just stuck in it, in just being unaware…
It need not be more. It is more than enough. I am grateful, deeply grateful. Life is phenomenal.
I am so grateful for the special chance to be alive.
Yesterday, I didn’t live a full 24 hours, though I did exist. I did live some hours though and was deeply touched by a movie (The Help). So what, if I was human and lived only part of the potential… That is just what is so. But what is great is that I did live at least a few of the hours, a few at a higher level and some not so high – but all a gift – all something I might not have had if I hadn’t been born.
And…I’m grateful deep within my heart and soul…and life is good…