“And an only daughter is a needle of the heart”  as quoted in WD Snodgrass “Heart’s Needle”

1. God

2. It was a day very much like today, the exact day when you were born, a whole new creation.

3. You are a miracle of God and science, a child much wanted and much loved.

4. The kind and skillful obstetrician and more people in the hospital than I could count or can remember.  They came and went.  Who could forget when you were crying and the nurse came by and professionally swaddled you and popped a binkie in your mouth as if to say, so there.

5. All your drawings, I’ll never forget the one about love from 1st grade, the young couple with the girl looking kind of like Briney Spears, the gay guys (one with a goatee) and the inscrutable lesbians.

6. Your performance as Nancy in Oliver in 4th grade, from the first songful sounds that came out of your mouth you tore the place up, I’ll never forget your fuchsia dress and heavy eyeliner and the way you moved from side to side.

7. On the dance floor, you worked hard, maybe not genetically gifted, but you persevered, did we take your dream away for everybody else’s convenience?  I should never have let that happen, and I am sorry, it weighs upon my heart, even as you’ve probably moved on.

8. The divorce, the changes in your mother (Sarah who is now called Chris, kind of like Saul who is also called Paul, but I don’t think there was a road to Damascus), your father’s mental illness and substance abuse and general unavailability, the difficulty of blending families, back and forth between houses with different sets of expectations, moving, disruption, changing schools, friends changing, your anger, your pain, your feelings of abandonment, your feeling not being heard or seen, being assured that the chance of catastrophe was small. It was a lie.  And then what you did to try to take away the pain, I don’t know, how could you have done otherwise?

9. The teachers and counselors who have helped you become who you are today and your willingness, eventually, to accept the help given to you.

10. Who are you now, Hannah?  A lovely young girl with a bright future, even as the world may seem uncertain and dark at times, and yet the sun rises and the sun sets.  You talk of what you want to do, even as that changes (arts, criminal justice, social work,) you treasure your friends, you’re with a boyfriend who treats you and others kindly, you have consideration and concern for others, you are willing to give back (teaching the little kids Sunday School,) you have perspective on how much you have and how others have more and others have less, you have street smarts, great instincts, and what you’ve endured has made you strong.  I love our time together. And you are who you are in spite of me and you are still my daughter and I have loved you from the minute you came out of your mother’s womb and I will love you to the end of my days.  Happy Birthday!

From Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet:

 

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;

For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.